
'participant observation'
When i first came across these two words in the reading material, the cooperative intepretation of their intended meaning appeared beyond my understanding, beyond me! Simply, it just didn't 'click' or make enough sense to apply to my own experiences. Although i surely was aware of the meaning of each word, not because i'm an Eng major (which incidentally and ashamedly admit to being) but they are just relatively easy English words that a girl who, in fact, has not been speaking Eng for her whole life can understand. However I still didn't get the implication! To me, the matter regarded either being a participant OR observer.
Attempting to capture as many pics as I possibly could (both at major events or random activities like any 'innocent foreigner' would) I guess I've always seen myself as the observer, with my camera as a tool and identity, 'alien' (although i do not look alien enough!) as a justification for doing so. Through this course of action, i saw myself become distanced and unable to be the 'participant' of most of those activities & events- but just to observe the certain occurrence (whether intended or not). So in addition, these two words that seemed to me, not acting as each other's polarities, didn't quite add up as far as my comprehension goes. Interestingly after a while of, what I would call 'serious pondering time' (and fiddling with my camera on the train), I accidently discover a pic that helped finally make the 'click' happen.
What I saw was myself, always looking at everything through a glass window until now! It wasn't the camera lens that 'separated' me and the particular object or event in the observation, but rather the glass of the window. There, i was faced with my own image reflection- a foreigner, which, as i thought until that point, compliments the term 'observer' in their attributes, leading to my own misconception! Perhaps I was allowed to see from my reflection how i have been partially 'engaged' in the events or activities that considered me as just a foreigner.
Unbelievable to think about now, in exploring japanese culture and society through my pics, how I possessed this almost invisible notion of KNOWING.
After all I'm glad to have realized this.. it may just be the start of something new!